Ensure They Don’t Get Elected to Government

Perhaps the most obvious way that gnomes might take over the world is by creating a totalitarian government through democratic means, like, for instance, Hitler, or the emperor in Star Wars. Now some might say that a world governed by garden gnomes would be better than what we have now and while they are almost certainly correct for the purposes of this article I shall assume they are wrong, otherwise there would be no point in writing it.

Now of course nobody in their right mind would elect a garden gnome to office. However this could also apply to the majority of the world’s elected leaders. We must therefore assume that a majority of the world’s population are not in their right minds and that the election of garden gnomes is therefore a very real possibility.

So what can be done to prevent election of garden gnomes? There are simply too many people who might potentially vote for a gnome for a single individual to prevent. Therefore, a vast organisation devoted to stopping garden gnomes must be created. Once this organisation is in place each of its members will be assigned to monitor a manageable number of potential gnome voters. It will be necessary to strike up acquaintances with the potential gnome voters to ascertain if they have pro-gnome sympathies. In addition, electronic surveillance methods, including phone taps and cctv, should be utilised to detect any potential signs of future gnome voting.

Once potential gnome voters have been identified the organisation must move swiftly in deploying anti-gnome propaganda. Pictures of gnomes crushing worms and beetles under their bases, showing the gnomes lack of compassion, may be effective. If such methods fail it may be necessary to physically prevent potential gnome voters from voting, perhaps by placing them in giant gnome casts, filling the cast with concrete, then placing the potential gnome voter at the bottom of the garden next to the other gnomes they’re so fond of. Another method is to phone them up on election day, pretending to be the owner of a garden centre, crying, ‘help, help, someone’s smashed all our garden gnomes and we need help to put them back together.’

Carried out properly these measures should ensure that garden gnomes will never take over the world through democratic means.