Approach Number 2 - Keep Them Occupied

The typical garden gnome has few interests besides standing at the bottom of gardens all day. This should give us pause for thought; what is going through their heads all this time? Could they be devising schemes the culmination of which will be the subjugation of human beings to the rule of gnomes? Perhaps, perhaps not. But prudence suggests we take no chances as the consequences are too devastating to risk. If we could find a way to keep gnomes occupied it would greatly lessen the risk of them thinking up plans for world domination.

But as we have seen gnomes have very few interests. How then do we keep them occupied?

There is one possibility. Garden gnomes seem to be very fond of fishing – at least they like to hold fishing rods, perhaps as a ruse to ease our suspicions of their world domineering plans. The gnomes’ fondness for fishing gives us an opportunity to keep their attentions away from thoughts of world domination.

So how do we use fishing to keep gnomes occupied? After all, it could be argued, fishing is the perfect pastime for gnomes seeking to take over the world, offering as it does long periods of quiet contemplation for devising strategies to establish global tyranny. All the more so considering that gnomes never actually catch fish. Herein lies our opportunity to confuse and distract the gnome.

If we tie a long piece of thread to the gnome’s rod we can pull on it from a distance, thus fooling the gnome that he has caught a fish. Of course, it may not be possible to continue pulling the thread for long periods due to other commitments but there is something we can do to ensure the gnome is distracted at all times.

What we need is to find a living creature to tie the thread to that is just the right size to make the gnome believe it is a fish. The most suitable creature in this case would be a fish. If you have goldfish or tropical fish in your pond simply tie the thread to one of them and, hey presto, it will pull on the thread as it swims thus keeping the gnome distracted at all times. As gnomes have no muscles in their arms or hands they will be unable to reel in the fish.

If a fish is unavailable another small creature will need suffice, such as a mouse or large beetle. Small birds are another possibility although the gnome may cotton onto the deception if the bird flies off. In addition larger birds may take the gnome with them. While better than having the gnome take over the world this outcome is less than ideal as the bird may tire during flight causing the gnome to fall, possibly landing on someone’s head or in a tank or fighter aircraft thus increasing its potential for world domination. Likewise, squirrels, rats and voles should be avoided as they may pull the gnomes into their burrows or up a tree where the gnome would have cover to scheme and get up to all sorts of mischief; better to keep them out in the open where we can keep an eye on them.

So there we have it: another practical stratagem to keep gnomes from taking over.